-Don’t split hairs with me over when any of these items were created. If you came here for facts, you may be in the wrong place.
- Caller ID: Imagine answering the phone without it? It could be anyone on the other end of the line: Mom, Publisher’s Clearing House, bill collectors, Jesus. How did we ever know when it was safe? –On the flip side, the national past time of prank phone calls, or ordering 10 pizzas for your friend’s house is lost. I feel bad for the kids today that will never know this joy…
- Keurig: Who has time to brew a pot of coffee? Why deal with all of the hassle of programming a coffee maker to have your coffee ready at 0630 only to sleep in until 0800? Thank God for Keurig. I can have my cup (or three), in just about any flavor, at anytime, with the press of the button. Am I mistaken when I say we had similar capability with things like Folgers and Sanka? People were mocked for their instant coffee. I guess we are so lazy we don’t like to have to boil water. Put coffee in cute cups, boil and pour the water for me. Perfect. —I foresee a time when the Keurig cup sizes are not big enough so we create “pots” of coffee big enough to share.
- Smart Phones: How did I ever deal with awkward silences or long dog walks before? How did all of you live without knowing the instant I arrived at the movies or my dog did something adorable. I love that I can check the weather, look at the radar, check my flight status, check your relationship status, check to see which movies Meatloaf was in, or see how poorly the Giants are doing from my phone. We used to be amazed people had phones not connected to the wall.
- MP3 Players: I have 2 large binders full of CDs (Compact Disks for future generations). I used to lug them around in my car so I could listen to what I want when I want (Don’t even get me started on cassettes). Now I can carry it all around on something smaller than a wallet. It never scratches or skips! —I do wonder if this has crushed the mating ritual know as the mixed tape.
- Wireless Technology: Wireless phones, wireless speakers, wireless internet. I am not sure why we have any wires left at all. I assume it the damn Wire-Maker Lobbyist s keeping that ancient technology afloat. Now I can talk to friends and family while I use the bathroom and they are blissfully unaware unless I flush (come on, surely you’ve done this at least once). I am sure the NSA is using this same technology to wirelessly read my mind, but you have to take the good with the bad.
- Microwaves: Another technology that seems to be based on magic. I see no flame or heat source and yet my food is cooked (and quickly). To make microwaves at least a little controversial there is the ever-present danger from exploding cups of boiling water (I believe this is a rumor spread by the Oven Lobbyists). I don’t know how I ever waited 30 minutes to cook a pizza. Who has that kind of time?
- DVR: We used to have to gather around the TV on a Friday night to catch the Dukes of Hazzard. Missed it? Too bad (spoiler alert – they got away again, even though law enforcement knows exactly where they live). Why fight who has control of the TV? Watch one show and record the other. We used to have to do this with a VCR in the old days…
- Internet/Google: I can now find out ANYTHING: How to repair that pesky leaky faucet?. How many calories in a Chipotle Burrito Bowl with chicken? What do people say “42” is the answer to the meaning of life? It is all out there. The good, the bad, the funny and the really evil shit is all at your fingertips. I am pretty sure I could perform brain surgery with a good YouTube video and a Wikipedia article.
- SiriusXM: Because no one like commercials and everyone wants to listen to what they want to listen to on their drive to work or the 5 ride to New Jersey. Sure you have an I-Pod, but who wants the work and responsibility of being a DJ for 5 hours. Let SiriusXM guide you to the 80s, or Fantasy Football, CNN or Fox News. I didn’t think I wanted/needed this, but I have become addicted.
- Taylor Ham, Egg and Cheese on a Hard Roll: Nothing better to start off your morning. A Jersey thing that everyone should try at least once.
Honorable Mention: Netflix: Remember driving to the neighborhood video rental store to get your VHS copy of The Terminator, but they were all rented? How about “Be Kind, Rewind”? How about fees for not rewinding a video? Ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to leave the house to watch anything anymore.
Area we need to work on during the next 40 years: Public restrooms. I feel like we still see, hear, touch, and smell way too much of what other people are doing in there. I want little cubicles that go up to the ceiling, a fan, and no peeking in the crack to see if a stall is occupied. We can do better people.