Salesman Self-Defense

Stop calling me.  Stop coming by the house.  Stop stuffing my mailbox with offers.

I don’t want it. Hell I don’t even care what “it” is.

No Thank You

No Thank You

It is 2014.  If I want or need something I can reach out through the magic of the inter-webs and find anything I decide I want.  I don’t need anyone showing up at my door with a vacuum, calling to offer insurance or sending me a pamphlet in the mail for a limited edition silver dollar.

They can be very creative and very tricky.  When I lived in Arizona we entered a raffle in the mall.  We won!!!  We won a grill and they were going to deliver it to our door.  And then the salesman showed up with a vacuum cleaner.  Son of a Bitch.  1 hour and $1000 later we had a vacuum.  Of course it could clean anything and we could even pass the warranty on to our child.   We nicknamed him R2D2. Some day R2D2 will be passed down to my daughter.  What a legacy. The grill?  It was a cheap piece of metal that you laid on top of your stove.  We also got free steak knives (not dishwasher safe).



I understand these people have a job to do and bills to pay.  So do I.  So this is the deal I am willing to make with you:

No. I am not buying anything on the spot.  Ever. Magazine, newspapers? No.  Meat from a truck? No.  Upgrade my cable? No. Your God? No.  Leave me your flyer or information or website or whatever.  I will review it (or maybe just throw it away) when I have a moment to read the fine print and do some research on my own. If I am still interested I will contact you. Seems fair.  You make an offer and I take some time to check it out and get back to you.

Salesmen don’t want to do that.  They want you here and now. This awesome deal is “limited time only”.  You can only get this deal from the door to door salesman.  I have yet to find a company that won’t sell me their product if I show an interest.  If the company won’t match the salesman’s amazing deal then I guess the answer is “no”.


So here is the Salesman Self-Defense I am advocating:

1. I have a “No soliciting” sign by my door.

2. I don’t answer any number I don’t recognize.

3. I throw away any mail I wasn’t expecting. I don’t read it. It goes right to the recycle bin.

4. I don’t recognize you or I am not expecting you, I don’t open the door.

5. If they still get to me, I tell them my answer is “no” but I will gladly review their offer.

6. If all else fails, go for the nuts.


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